Like this:

Today I read this article and was deciding whether or not to write about it. Of course, if you’ve ever read my posts before you’ve probably seen my constant tirade on why people have to hate on plus size models. Everyone assumes they are fat girls who sit around and eat all day, have diabetes from being so big and can’t fit into regular clothes. Of course, I don’t know these girls personally and for some that might be true, but has it ever occurred to people that we’re all built differently?

I am 5’11. My father is 6’1. My mother is only about 5’7. Logically, most girls I know are built like their mothers. Tiny and petite but that isn’t always the case. I’m not the only girl amongst my group of friends who takes after their fathers. Do I wish I was 5’7 like my mother with a smaller chest, shorter legs, and a far more petite build? Not really. I used to though. It always appeared to me that the shorter you were, the more clothing options you had. I can’t shop in a regular store without buying clothes a size too big just so they’re a little bit longer. You see, I have a very long torso which makes clothes shopping difficult, but I’m veering from my point here a bit.

My father is a tall man with broad shoulders and unfortunately I’m a tall woman with a bit of broad shoulders myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m never going to be a linebacker, but I’m bigger all around than my friends of the same height. I’ve met women my height who weigh 120 and I’ve met women my height who weigh 220. The numbers don’t matter because they’re all beautiful women. The fact that there are people who think I could be considered “obese” or that assume I have diabetes because of my weight is just asinine.  I don’t look at every thin girl I see and call her out for being anorexic. I don’t look at women like me who weigh 120 and talk about how disgusting they look. Everyone’s body is different. Do I wish I could lose weight and have a flat stomach like all the cute little models you see on the tv and in the magazines? Of course I do. I would kill someone for a flat stomach, but it wouldn’t change my weight much. I weighed 195 pre-pregnancy, had a flat stomach and a fairly toned body. I was constantly calling myself fat, but looking back at the photos now I was no where near fat. In fact, I was nothing if a smidgen chubby. Of course, my mom hips have always gave me a bit of a ’rounder’ look than I’d liked but they did their job and I was able to push my daughter out in a mere 30 minutes. Sorry for that TMI tidbit. The point is, it’s not going to matter if my stomach is flat and my arms are toned, the numbers may not change on the scale while my body does. There’s also a possibility that I could be as fit as I’ll ever be and still be a size 12. My hips will undoubtedly stay this wide forever and that’s something I can never change. My stomach may shrink but I’ll still need to wear large shirts because of my 38DDD’s. The only way I could ever get down to a tiny size or 120 pounds would be with surgery. Lots and lots of surgery. I’d have to remove fat deposits from my stomach, legs, thighs, arms, toes, fingertips and just about everywhere else imaginable. I’d also have to get my breasts removed. (which I’d like to do anyways but that’s not the point.)

The point IS that I’m a size 12. I don’t love my body right now but we’re developing a rather complex relationship at the moment. The important thing is that it does what I need it to do. My arms are able to hug my daughter, my legs are able to carry her to her room at night, my stomach digests the foods that I eat like a champ and my eyes are able to see the beauty that surrounds me. (Albeit with the help of corrective lenses.) My body may not look ideal, but it does the important things that I need it to. The focus doesn’t always need to be on the size or shape of our bodies but rather on the abilities of our bodies, the things that our bodies do for us every day that we take for granted, and if we are going to chose to focus on the shapes of our bodies, let’s do it for the right reasons. Let’s focus on changing the shape of our bodies in order to get healthier. Let’s forget about what other peoples ideals are for us and focus on our own. Do I think I’ll ever weigh 120 pounds? God no. Do I think I’ll ever be able to weigh 165 and be a lot healthier & more energetic for my now rambunctious toddler? Well, that’s the goal. If I look better in the process then so be it, but I already have a beautiful daughter, a loving boyfriend who tells me I’m beautiful every day and doesn’t care about my size at all, and a body that does the important things it should. In all honesty, I should be counting my blessings because I know that not everyone is so lucky.

 

And now, the pictures that I was talking about yesterday have found a reason to be posted. I should warn you that they aren’t really pretty but that’s kind of the point of this blog anyways… And while I really don’t want to post these, I will just to prove to the world and myself that while my body might not be beautiful in an idealistic way, it is beautiful in the way that it has created life, lost 85 pounds, and carried me through for 25 years with minor complaints.

 

 

 

 

As you can see, my body is covered in stretchmarks. This happened when I weighed 262 pounds and was pregnant with my daughter. My body was a lot worse off back then. You’ll also notice in the second photo that there is a lot of…uh…what’s the word here….flesh. That’s the aftermath of losing 85 pounds and getting myself healthy. Sadly, that looks a lot better than it used to and is a constant work in progress. Am I skinny? Not by any means but I don’t believe I’m obese either. The majoriy of my weight in the front is actually skin from the weight loss (Yes, that’s very gross and I’m so sorry you had to read that) and if you look from the side you get a more accurate representation of my body size. Just a few more ab workouts a week and hopefully one day I’ll lose the skin but I’ve been told from numerous sources that losing that much weight almost always requires surgery to remove the left over skin.

I am a size 12. But I used to be a size 20/22. To me, this is amazing. To me, I’m proud of myself for losing the weight. And honestly, if someone wants to come here and look at my pictures to tell me how fat I am, I’m gonna tell em to “fuck off” because I’ve come a damn long way from where I was and I’m still working towards my goals three years later. I won’t stop until I reach a place that I’m comfortable with. Without taking into consideration what anyone else thinks I need to weigh or look like.

 

Think about this:
1. What’s your take on the article?
2. Do you let other people dictate what you should weigh?
3. Are you comfortable in your own skin?
4. Do you think that all plus sized models are “obese?”
5. If we didn’t all pick at our flaws and other peoples, do you think the world would be less weight obsessed?

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